


Downs

by CyrahX



Series: The many stages of Jay and Dick's very special relationship [9]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Frustration, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mental Instability, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 11:23:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5867425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyrahX/pseuds/CyrahX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Please," It was Jason begging now, "Just leave."</p><p>Dick should have listened...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Downs

**Author's Note:**

> This is... Forgive me. T^T

"Don't touch me," Jason whispered, trembling in every limb. 

"Jay, please-" 

"I said don't touch me!" he shouted out this time, slapping Dick's hand from his shoulder. 

"I'm here to help, Jason. I'm always there to help. If you aren't going to talk to me, who will you talk to then?" 

"I don't wanna talk to _anybody_!" 

Softly, 

"I'm your husband." 

"Please," 

It was Jason begging now, 

"Just leave." 

Dick sighed, but complied. He left their bedroom and tried to spend his day anywhere but there, though he didn’t quite manage. 

It would be a tough day. 

It was a day that always turned out badly and damaged their relationship in ways none of them had words for, since nearly seven years. That day had become so much worse when they started a committed relationship, but this year was the worst. 

It was the anniversary of Jason's dying day. 

Every year on April 27th he got nervous, aggressive, he freaked out. Was angry and frustrated, and extremely depressed. 

Mentioning Bruce was like pouring salt into a wound. It was the worst thing you could do; Dick had to learn that the hard way. 

Jason never seemed like it, but on that certain day he showed how much the issues of his past still got to him. He couldn't keep the hurt and the pain, especially the memories, inside. And no matter how careful Dick treated him and that topic, Jason wouldn't calm down, let alone accept help of any kind. 

He would just sit in front of the mirror, staring at his autopsy scar; staring at _all_ the scars the Joker caused. He shattered the mirror. Trembled, hurt himself. Smoked, drank. Raged in the bed- or in the bathroom. Just tried to get all of those awful feelings out of his body in which way ever. And he didn't take care of anybody. He ignored Dick’s pleas and begs to stop all day. 

It hurt Dick so much. He would try to talk to him, try to touch and comfort him, but it wouldn't work. He knew that because it never worked, but he couldn’t stop himself from trying. Doing nothing bothered him more than Jason’s insults. 

Then he would try to focus on some TV show, but his suffering husband never left his mind. When it became too quiet for Dick’s liking, he went to check on Jason, but as expected he was gone. Probably out to let his anger out on some criminals... 

Dick was on the verge of frustration. He hated that he couldn't do anything. That his husband didn't let him close, didn't let him help. 

No matter what he said and did, Jason only snapped at him, yelled, sometimes really _screamed_ for him to fuck off and leave him alone. Two years ago he even told Dick he'd sign the divorce papers in a blink if he wouldn’t ‘shut the fuck up’. 

It felt devastating. Dick didn't patrol on that day. He felt too weak, too vulnerable to. And he didn't want to get into Jason’s way either. He couldn't stand the methods he'd use, and sometimes he wasn't even sure he'd not shoot him right away. 

He lay awake on his side of the bed at night, back turned towards Jason’s bedside and the window. He couldn't find any sleep. The worry and uncertainty kept him awake, though his eyelids felt heavy. His eyes were closed when he heard the window open, followed by a thud that indicated Jason's arrival. The heavy rain that had been dampened by the windowpane sounded clearer now, and he could make out the rain drops that now invaded their home and dripped onto the bedroom floor. 

Jason kicked off his boots then, not caring about a possibly sleeping Dick at all. He threw his helmet to the ground, ripped off his clothes and climbed into the bed. 

The younger man sat there for a moment, fighting with himself, before roughly shoving Dick to his stomach and grabbing his hips to force his bottom up. 

Dick felt the vile and rabid touches like they were knives cutting into him. Jason had never done that before. 

He pulled down Dick’s underwear and took what he wanted, what he needed, 

and Dick let him have it; he didn't dare deny him anything in his state, but he couldn't look at him anymore. The look in his husband's eyes would be unbearable, it would destroy him. He didn't know the person doing that to him. 

He didn't say anything to Jason as he bit his back open, as he dug his fingers into his hips. As he violently forced himself into him. 

He just endured, clutching at the sheets he seemed to shred to pieces with his frantic grip. He gritted his teeth, bit his lip from the inside as he'd try to keep the pained noises inside. His eyes were blankly directed at the wall he faced, barely visible since his face was mostly pressed into his pillow. He didn't feel the tears flowing down the corners of his eyes. He only knew he was crying when they blurred his vision and soaked his pillow with the bitter result of his sorrow. 

Jason wouldn't come. 

Instead he stopped when he ran out of energy, pulled out and slowly sank down on top of, and then beside Dick. 

He knew that he hurt him. He knew that he made him cry, and that he did the worst thing one could do in a relationship. 

Jason hated himself. 

He hated himself as he slung his arm around Dick who had curled into himself, trembling. Jason wanted to punch himself as he buried his face into his husband’s hair and took in his scent. The Joker should've done his job better on him so he would've never been able to hurt Dick like that, Jason thought as he pulled his husband closer to his body. 

He didn't deserve this. He deserved so much better. So much more than Jason could and would ever be able to give him. 

Jason cried that night. 

Cried to mend both their suffering with his tears. 

Cried even more when Dick turned around to him and took him into his arms, despite the things he had done and would still be doing to him. Despite hurting too. 

Jason wished he'd die and stay in the hell he belonged. He was no better than the people he used to kill. No better than his father. 

He was a monster. 

Gotham cried with him.


End file.
